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My torture chamber of compression bandages put my general anxiety level up to almost not manageable so when anything else came up it put me over the top into a panic attack! In my panic attack my throat swells and I feel like a can't breath. It also triggers my reflux and I start throwing everything up and then because of throwing up I dehydrated!!! I am no longer dehydrated!!! Woo Hoo!!! My dizziness is almost gone! Danielle went to the pharmacy for me to pick up my prescriptions for me so I have Xanax again. I was trying to tell my mom that I needed my Xanax and I think she must have thought I was addicted to it because she reacted in a tearful upset way.Today with the dehydration under control and the dizziness almost under control I talked to mom about the Xanax. I was able to explain that when I am out of Xanax and haven't picked up my refill that I have anxiety about having anxiety!!! LOL If you suffer from anxiety I know you understand this problem!!!
It is so funny what affects anxiety and what doesn't.wearing my torture chamber made me feel claustrophobic!!! I discovered another way to put the straps on and it didn't "Feel" as restrictive so my anxiety down overall. It didn't really change anything... I am still wearing it from head to toe... I have Xanax just in case I need it and my anxiety went down more... I after a lot of prayer, reading my scriptures and I made the first step in a large decision. More anxiety that lessened!!! (When I hear a certain person's name I don't throw up anymore!! LOL) Now there is just 2 more problems that I need some direction and closure on! Of course there will be problems that come to replace the ones I am getting under control!!! LOL that is just life!! I thought this T-Shirt is awesome T-Shirt therapy!!! Hahaha I was very touched that I had friends and family wondering if I was okay because I haven't posted lately. I have been struggling a little bit lately. I actually had a wonderful experience at the Mercy Me concert. Bart the lead singer and song writer had a movie made about his life called, I Can Only Imagine. If you haven't seen the movie I recommend that you go and see it. It is about how we can change and become a better person through Christ. At the concert the audience sang along with the songs, singing their testimony of Jesus Christ as our Savior and His all encompassing Grace. Bart told how writing songs is his therapy. (Blogging and T-Shirts are my therapy!!!) He wrote the song Beautiful for his 2 daughters. He saw how the way the world looks at women is mostly about physical looks was affecting his girls. He wanted them to know that they are God's children and therefore, absolutely beautiful. He expressed his testimony on how no matter the problems in our lives and especially chronic illness like his son has. Having chronic illness means that there are a lot hard days. (I have learned how to manage my Chronic illness and my anxiety. I also have some hard days!) He wrote my favorite song Even If for his for his son. The concert was amazing, the problem is that when my friends dropped me off I was in a lot of pain and I was bleeding in a couple of places. I am bouncing back because that is what I do. If I had known that going to the concert would have affected me to the point it did, I wouldn't have gone.The consequence was that I didn't feel well enough to go to my grand daughter's dance competition! She is such a talented dancer! I also didn't get to see her brothers, my two cute grand sons. I love spending time with my grand children. To bounce back I binge watched a Hallmark series Signed, Sealed, Delivered! Only happy endings!!! Everything didn't go in their lives as planned and there were some really hard times for the people in the stories, however, relationships were mended and happy endings commenced !!! I use to refuse to watch anything that didn't have a happy ending because in my life and my students lives there hasn't been happy endings. Then I realized that our stories aren't over and the happy endings are coming!!! And there are a lot of happy days in my life!!!! As you all know I had surgery 2 weeks ago and I was feeling really good for that first week, and then things changed for the worst. I started getting really dizzy (and was even crawling to get to the kitchen or wherever I needed to go. haha what a sight!!!) and I have been having a hard time keeping food in my stomach. The food just wanted to jump right on out. I have been having a hard time keeping food down for a few months now.
I was getting really worried because I felt like even though I am getting rid of the tumors that cause me pain and water retention my over health seemed to be decreasing. When I was having my conversations with Jesus I asked HIM to shout at me what I needed to do. I still wasn't understanding what HE wanted me to do and what I was doing wrong and to please just hit me up the side of the head with a 2 X 4!!! I guess I was just not thinking correctly because Jesus hit me upside the head! My equilibrium was off with my dizziness and when I tried to get out of bed I would all of a sudden be on the floor just barely missing the night stand but hitting the floor really hard. It opened up my healing incisions. Missing the night stand apparently wasn't enough so last night HE decided to take my prayers in a literally fashion and had my head hit the night stand on my way to the floor twice. (Mom asked me what was wrong with my face as it was all swollen and had blood on it from a cut or two!) On my night stand was my discharge orders, Jesus had to take things to an extreme because I wasn't listening!!! In the discharge orders it stated that people who have my disease tend to dehydrate easily and might need an IV to help with this!!! Thank you Jesus for taking my prayer literally and making me understand that I was dehydrated!!! Also in my discharge orders were all the medications I have recently become allergic to because of having so many surgeries so close together!!! This reminded me that I had developed a whole bunch of food allergies as well!!! I understand now Jesus!!! Thank you!!! So if I can't keep the food down I am most likely allergic to it!!! (Don't try to eat it when it doesn't want to stay down!!!) And get electrolytes into your system with a lot of water!!! My human administering angels were right on top of helping me when I sent out the text message of help!!! They brought us diet coke (Yay I know that won't help me physically... It sure helps mentally!!!) wonderful chocolates that have probiotics in them, and emergen - C for the electrolytes!!! My human angels blessed me to help my body and soul get through this!!! Between all the surgeries that put my body into shock increasing my allergies, dehydrating, and anemic from loss of blood I needed the blessing to heal my physical and spiritual self!!! I am back on track! Hallelujah!!! -I forgot my password and locked myself out of my account!!! Actually every six months I need to change my password! I kept trying to get in with my old password!!! Oh my gosh!!! Trying to get to a real person so my account can be unlocked has been a nightmare!!! On the website it states that if you need help with your my account please ask for the help desk... That is no longer even an option!!! Really?!?!?!? This is my third call to try and fix the problem... Most of my calls have been well over an hour on hold!!! There is an option for a call back... I tried that on the first call... No call back has happened!!!
T-Shirt Therapy Time!!! Since I am awake waiting for the excedrin to kick in I decided I would write in my blog. On Saturday one of my friends remarried. It was a fun wedding with a lot of laughter and good will for the couple. There were cards for people to write advice on and my 6 year old grand daughter had her mom write "stay married, don't get a divorce" which had us all laughing. The best part of the wedding for me was to watch Mark caress D'Anna's hand throughout the ceremony and then D'Anna's toast of love to Mark after the ceremony. They have been through a lot and have figured out the enduring kind of love.
Okay change of subject... The excedrin is not kicking in fast for me! I want my headache to go away!!!! I think I know what caused my headache... It is April and tax time!!! There have been a lot of changes in my life and all of the changes affect my taxes!!! So annoying!!! It would give anyone a headache!!! I have put on the movie Notting Hill because I have been to England where a lot of the movie was filmed and I like the movie! Hopefully it will relax me and help me go back to sleep!!! |
I am Ally. I am the center of my universe and I can determine whether to be a victim, survivor or thriver. At one time or another I have been all of the above... I am choosing to thrive!
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