Last night I broke out in hives... One of my allergic reactions to the spandex I have to where from head to toe that I have a slight and getting bigger allergy to!!! I couldn't take the hives with the swelling, itchy feeling and so I took a benedryl and after 20 minutes I didn't have any relief so I took another benedryl... (Yes I know I am an idiot for doing this!!!) Then the benedryl really kicked in and I slept for 9 1/2 hours!!!! (I have decided that my body needed that much sleep after having my last surgery and has nothing to do with the benedryl that I took!!!!) I felt like I had to wear my Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult T-Shirt!!!! Isn't T-Shirt therapy wonderful!!! You get to wear your private joke and secretly laugh all day!!! Or at least what is left of the day!!!
I now have to tell a story on my little grand daughter Lexi! As you know she is 9 and a master at using make up (She should make it a career in Hollywood! Or something!) and had some on. She also was wearing her shoes that have about an inch and a half heal on them and was wearing my purse. She wanted to push the grocery cart around as well while we shopped! As we were getting to the clerk at the checkout stand a "kid" that was bigger then Lexi pushed his way in to get a candy bar he wanted. Lexi then said to the clerk, "Kids these days!" Lol I asked her if she was pretending to be an adult and she shushed me so the clerk wouldn't know that she was really a kid!!!!! I love it!!! I use to pretend I was an adult when I rode my bike over to the open houses to look through!!!! So funny!!! The T-Shirt works for her as well!!!!
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My anxiety was been higher recently and this was not a surprise as it usually is higher after a surgery! It would be for anyone. (that is one of the ways I help calm myself down... If this were happening to one of my friends how would I expect her to react!) I also have had some more information come in that has brought my anxiety up to a level that whenever the subject comes up I throw up!!! There is an expectation put on me when the subject comes up on what is my answer to the problem... If they want my answer today they won't be able to get it as I won't be able to stop throwing up!!! (I guess that is an answer in itself!!!)
I have been talking to friends that have been in similar situations and have asked how it turned out of them. One out of 3 have been successful so far! The odds are not in favor of a yes answer! Whenever this situation comes up the only time I feel peace is when I am talking to my savior. He is the only one that I can trust completely. I know that some people feel how can there be a God and all these horrible things still happen all over the world?!?!?! If someone walked up to me on the street and said that I would be capable of doing something wrong to someone I wouldn't believe them. That is why we have to be given our free agency. We would never believe ourselves capable of hurting or doing wrong! We all have a wonderful safety net of our Savior paying the price for our sins, sicknesses, loneliness, fear, every tear that falls!!! Thank you Jesus!!! And the best thing of all is that while we are going through all these things we have love for one another, laughter, hope, laughter, peace, laughter, helpers, chocolate and T-shirt therapy!!!! My friend is getting married in 2 days! I am amazed at her love and hope and laughter and her family giving her support!!! Way to go D'Anna!!! You are a hopeful romantic!!!! (Some of us are a little slow learning how to make marriage and family and ex's all manage some how together. You have this nailed!!!!) Last night in my healing and thriving process I hit a few stumbling blocks. The problem with running into the stumbling blocks with evening and night stretching out in front of me just isn't a good combination.... As you can imagine I haven't gone to sleep as I try and work things through a million scenarios!!! (and of course it was a million because I never exaggerate at all!!!) I have been processing most of the night!!! I use to call it spiraling, because it use to be my thoughts were spiraling out of control. Last night and this early morning I am keeping the spiral part under check!!! I can even prove that because I haven't had to throw up or going into a coughing fit. (Unfortunately that is how my body immediately reacts to stress!!! Hopefully your don't have those symptoms because they are just plain annoying!!! (My body and I are going to have another heart to heart to get this worked right out!!!)
Jesus and I have a lot of heart to hearts as well and especially the past 3 years. Jesus knows me so well that he knows how my anxiety works in a way I can't even comprehend!!! He knows that I have to have warning that something in my life is going to change in a big way! When I am reading God's word there are different scriptures that jump out at me or a conversation happens and God uses that person to get the message to me. (This is one of his favorite ways to talk to me!) And depending on what is coming up he will give me months in advance of the event happening!!! I am warned and I have a panic and then I convince myself that it isn't going to happen.... and this cycle keeps going through!!! I get a little bit of my panicking done several time before the event arrives!!! Well today was the day that the event arrived, or the beginning of the event!!! I need to find a good t-shirt for this so I can laugh with my T-Shirt therapy! When I was mapping out my life as a young girl this sure isn't what I had in mind! LOL What happen to that life plan??? When did I jump that track on that one??? Too late now to do anything about all I can do is go forward and find a track that fits the right speed and obstacles to get where I am trying to go!!! Wow!!! Oh Wow!!! You know I use my blog to help keep down the anxiety so you will definitely have to be my listening ears as I figure these stumbling blocks out!!! This weekend my grand daughter Lexi, who is 9, spent the weekend with me. Her mom brought her up with some laundry to do for the family while she was with me, as they do not have a working washing machine. Cute little Lexi was separating the colors and types of fabric and asked me grandma is it the washer or the dryer that sweaters can't go into... I showed her how to find and read the laundry care tags on the clothing. She discovered that my washer and dryer had more options than the ones she was learning on. She got a little step stool and she showed me how she measured out the soap because the Costco sized laundry detergent was to heavy for her. What an ingenious little girl she is!
While she was here I learned to hate youtube!! (The things those kids watch is mind blowing stupid!!!) marvel over how such a young girl can put on makeup with a flair and mastery that most adults can't do!!! When I tried to scare her with a little bit of a scary movie she promptly went to sleep on me!!! Where was the fun in that!!! Lol We had crazy food to eat (Lexi prefers lunchables for every meal!!! She had them for 2!!!) and had fun! When her mom came to pick her up today I discovered that she had truly been a laundry angel, not just for her family but for me as well!!! She had been putting my wash in with the family wash to help me out while she was here!!! My little Lexi is growing up into a little sweetheart!!!! My mother has always been independent and very capable of managing home, work, religious activities... Everything that life brought to her door! My dad died at a very young age of a massive heart attack and mom became dad, mom, and the only income maker in the family. She accomplished many things and was awarded and recognized in her field of work. Go mom!!! I have always heard that getting older is not for the weak at heart and have seen this up close and personal with several loved ones that were just as independent and capable as my mom. Mom has not been an exception to this. She is supposed to be on oxygen 24/7 needs a walker and hates having to be dependent on any of it!. (I was raised by my mother so you can imagine I have some of the same qualities, independent and in charge!!! Lol)
Mom has tried to keep her independence by taking her oxygen off for just a minute or so... (And the ladies that we have devotionals with every Monday know this has become a battle between us!) When I see mom without her oxygen I will mention to her she needs to put it back on.... Actually I give her about 3 seconds to comply and then I demand that she put it on!!! (NO NOT ME!?!?!?) I bet you can imagine how my mother reacts to that.... To keep her from digging in her heals in even more I have taken a softer and more gentler approach in my words and tone... with a look that could kill!!! (I know this for a fact as I caught my reflection in the window one time!!!! I have always been told that I do not have a poker face!! Sigh... ) As you can imagine there have been some scary times when needed medical care is refused!!!! Last night, I wasn't with mom when she decided she didn't need it for just a minute, so the wearing of the oxygen did not become a war. Mom took her oxygen off for just a minute like she convinces herself that she can. She then forgot she wasn't wearing it and fell asleep like she easily does now. Thank goodness Danielle was bringing up dinner and called mom to see what she wanted. She roused mom just enough!!! Mom knew she was in trouble and also knew she could't get to her oxygen a foot and a half away!!! I heard a movement upstairs and thought something was wrong and had started to go check on her. Mom knew she was fading fast and had Siri call me! I was already on my way up!!! I had the oxygen turned up and back in her nose. Even with turning up the oxygen to get a jump start it took 40 minutes before her oxygen was back up to the right level!!! As I was making sure her oxygen was back up I took a deadpan serious tone with mom and told her she scared me to death and what if Danielle hadn't called and I hadn't already been on my way up!!! She would have been dead within moments!!! She agreed with me. I do not believe that it was the placating that sometimes we all do when she affirmed that she was in trouble! I told her she can not take off the oxygen period, because she always thinks it is just for a moment and then it isn't and then she is gone!!!! I believe she is finally scared into complying! It has been a week since my surgery and I am healing really well! My bruises have gone from black and blue to prettier hues of black, purple, florescent green and yellow!!! Lol I have always loved lots of color just not neon as my skin color!!! I have discovered the new torture chambers... spandex from ankle to wrist and neck!!! (If I hadn't developed extreme bladder control as a teacher I would be learning it now!) The only thing worse than wearing a torture chamber is having to take it off and then put it back on!!!! My mother asked me if I had gained weight in my neck.... Nope!!! That is all my fat being shoved from my ankles on up!!! No wonder I am having problems breathing!!! Lol I already have less pain than before the surgery so this is worth it!?!?!?! And I only have to wear the torture chamber for WEEKS longer!!! Haha!
My first night home from surgery as per my usual was interesting! (I happen to be one of those people that has big reactions to cold and pain meds!) Megan was helping me and the only pain pill I wanted was Tylenol for pain and some cold medicine and because of my bandages causing anxiety one of my xanax. The tylenol was tylenol pm, and the cold medicine was Nyquil... Well when it comes right down to it I reacted strongly to the meds. I was wanting my daughter Danielle to get me a spoon for some unknown reason... I don't think we ever found out why I wanted a spoon... Danielle wouldn't get one for me!!! I then said beetlejuice! I was trying to get him to leave an dit just wasn't happening!!!
I had my post op appointment went really well and I am healing nicely! Another couple of months and I will have made it to another milestone!!! I am excited to get rid of more pain!!!! I had surgery yesterday of course was that less than 5%. I tried to hemorrhage again, however, this time not as dramatically, (I also need to put a disclaimer in as I am taking pain pills so my brain is a little foggy!!! Actually a lot foggy!!) Megan stayed the night with me and at 2a;:-5 However. I thought is was 5 am. Of course at 1 am it wan''s time to take my meds again. I convinced Megan that it was time. She gave the meds to my and I believe I throw them all up because they needed to be taken with food. I didn't throw them all up because I was very loopy!!! I thought I was doing just fine and didn't want to wake Megan up so I tried to go to the bathroom by myself... That didn't go so well... I passed out and then tried to inch my way of the floor@ MEGAN SAYS SHE WON'T BELIEVE ME TONIGHT!!! I THINK I AM HAVING SOME PROBLMS TYPING SO I AM STOPPING MY BLOG FOR NOW@@@
I have had several sleepovers with the grand daughters and I really do love being with them! I even broke my rule of grandma sleeping in the middle! (I am just a wee bit claustrophobic!) I let Kenzie and Kaylee sleep on either side of me until Kenzie fell asleep!!! This was a major sacrifice! Kaylee stayed awake way longer than grandma is use to! I took some cold and cough medicine hoping to get rid of my congestion and cough... It worked so well I couldn't stay wake! I should have taken the children's dosage instead of the adult one! It was a good thing the twins stayed up late because then they slept late!!!! I had Lexi, then Hailee, and then the twins spend the night with me and I love them to death I just don't have the energy to keep up with them all! LOL They ran circles around me!!! As I looked around the living space with the mess all around me and thought about the surgery I am having in 3 days I did get a little cranky! The twins were quick to point out to me that I was grumpy!! LOL I put in the call to Danielle to let her know I had reached the end of my happy day! and was definitely in my grouchy day! I am still looking at the mess and thinking of the best way to tackle it! I know if I could just get myself to start it wouldn't take that long! I use to do cleaning therapy before my body rebelled against me and decided to be sick all the time! T=Shirt therapy is much easy than cleaning therapy! This T-Shirt says it all!!! I love T-Shirt Therapy!!! Last night Hailee spent the night with me. We decided that since we both had colds it was okay. There would be no reinfecting each other since we were both sick. I have to say that Hailee has a lot more energy than I have. I never dreamed that teaching Hailee how to do laundry would be fun. I should have know through as she is mostly a happy child! She now knows how to sort, and how much laundry to put in for a full load and not to overfill it! She knows the main buttons to push on the washer and dryer! Woo Hoo Hailee!!! (She even learned that T-Shrit therapy needs to be turned inside out when washing them!!!) Haha!!!
While we are doing all the laundry for 5 grand daughters and a mom, we are having a Harry Potter marathon! Hailee decided that I needed to take the spelling test she takes for school! Now I know why I have some problems with the ease of reading my blog!!! LOL I had to type faster than 30 words a minute (Not a problem... ) and have 3 or less errors!!! (Problem!!!) Apparently my typing is filled with typos!!! |
I am Ally. I am the center of my universe and I can determine whether to be a victim, survivor or thriver. At one time or another I have been all of the above... I am choosing to thrive!
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