I played a game on facebook about how my year was going to be next year and discovered that it is going to be filled with JOY!!! I also have 11 grand kids with the oldest one 11 and my friends from Utah always make a wish on 11 11 because it is supposed to come true! (I BELIEVE!!!) LOL I have made my wish and it is already starting to come true... I am going through a healing process of physical, emotional, and spiritual and I feel really good about the future! And the here and now. Of course nothing in life happens without a few missteps! I have had my share, however, I am in a better place!
I also happen to love Christmas! It is my favorite time of year! I have been having fun looking at pictures from past Christmas celebrations. My family is a fun family that is Loud, Fun, and can be rude, crude, and socially unacceptable!!! HAHAHAHA!!! What fun we have! I am having to make a ton of decisions, however, these decisions are bringing out the creative side of me! I love being creative, thinking outside the box! I am learning when to say enough decisions for today so I don't put myself into a panic attack!! I am sure it will happen again... that is a part of who I am! My name is Ally. I am imperfect and I am enough!!! :) (the 1st time I heard that I had a panic attack!!! Oh my gosh, looking back it is absolutely hilarious!!! At the time it wasn't) Today I have been a bum. I did some decorating and ran a few errands with mom. (We didn't get out of the car!!! lol) I put leftovers together for lunch and took care of dinner. I discovered again that when mom is hungry she gets the hangrees! (Of course I never do.... yay right!!!) I played on facebook a little and talked with friends. I made plans for the weekend and was figuring out when I had to go to California again to see my navy seal surgeon... He is my hero! I didn't accomplish anything on had on my to do list! Hmmm I guess my to do list can wait until tomorrow. (I am not having anxiety about it... I think away!!! The state of anxiety is so normal to me that I don't always recognize when it is kicking it up a notch or too. I am going with I am not having anxiety other than my norm! Today was a good bum day!
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Last night as I was looking for something to watch to relax to and go to sleep I was having trouble finding something... I was wondering all over the place, I even just listened to music... I couldn't find anything that was really fitting until I landed on the sitcom Friends. that was exactly what I was looking for!!! I have started on season 1 and the second I heard the theme song I was hooked!!! The lyrics are great! It is a little like my healing and thriving and lifting each other up!!! I have watched 2 episodes and am loving it! The best part of the song for me: No one could ever know me No one could ever see me Since you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me. Someone to face the day with, make it through all the mess with. Someone I'll always laugh with, even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah! And rock out to it like the friends cast does!!! My friend, Mary, called and said that she loves my blog! (Thank you Mary!) The reason Mary likes it is because she knows me so well, that she knows what I put out there is truly me. It is real! LOL
So today I am decorating the Christmas tree with snow flying and the gas fireplace going! I have a diet coke and I am singing Christmas songs!!! I am loving Christmas!!! I love Christmas and the feeling of love and peace and connectedness that I feel with everyone!!! I am having an angel tree this year, I had an angel tree 2 years ago as well. The Angel tree is a reminder to me of all the angels in my life. Angels that have passed and angels that are around me right now helping me! Being my support team! I have angels that have just recently come into my life and angels that have been there my whole life!!! I am so Grateful for the angels that God has put into my life!!! I want to be an angel in your life as well! l am trying to help my mom and daughter, and all the people in my life. Lets go out to lunch and laugh and bring joy into our lives by knowing we have family and friends that are support angels!!!! After church yesterday I went over to see my daughter Danielle and her girls. I tried to help her for a bit to get ready for the plumbers to redo the showers at the house. I do have to put a disclaimer in on this time with them... I do bruise easily!) My grand daughter's dog. Showy, was happy to see me and so were my 5 grand daughters. They greeted my on the stairs and I had to kneel on the stairs quickly before they shoved me down them in their enthusiasm!! I am sure I must have gotten a bruise or two then. (I love hearing the girls yell grandma grandma and run towards me!)
I then had to see all the girls new dance moves, twirling dresses, and hear all the latest news! While this was taking place the little girls took turns climbing up into my lap. They did this my grabbing hold of my knees and pulling themselves up into my lap. My knees are absolutely covered with little finger print size bruises!!! Gotta love those little cuties even if they do give me bruises!!! I also happen to be the biggest Klutz in the world... And I don't think that is an exaggeration! As I walked down the hall I hit my arm on a door knob really hard!!! I have a large swollen bruise on my left arm. I have a large swollen bruise on my leg... I am not quite sure how I got that one. I do remember saying ouch a few times, however, I did not expect to have so many swollen bruises!!! I have been a Klutz most of my Life! When I was walking home from school one day I got my sweater caught on someone's mailbox and about landed on my face! Another time, again, walking home from school and tripped on the uneven sidewalk. I didn't put my arms out to help break my fall instead I was too busy trying to keep my books from getting harm!!! Lol I broke a rather large piece of bone off of my elbow. Thank goodness it was my right arm so I got out of some homework!!! I have always sported many bruises at a time. As you know I am ADHD and have not always had good impulse control! I climbed a tree once and jumped from the tree to the roof. I made it with no problems!!! The problem came in when I was trying to get back to the tree from the house. As you can imagine all did not go well! I jumped from the house to the tree and slid right off the curved limb I had landed on! I was sure that I was going to die! Everything seemed to go into slow motion as I hit several branches on the way down. My guardian angel was able to get the elastic of my shorts caught on a branch! I had scratches and bruises everywhere! Just like I do now! My pain pills are kicking in and I am relaxing enough to actually fall asleep!! (I actually did fall asleep typing the last line!!! lol I hope this post makes sense... It is late and the pain pills are working and I am so tried!!! I think I might have been half asleep when typing this!!! Hahahahahhah!!!! I expressed my beliefs as to who my almighty God is... Jesus Christ. How I came to know that He is my almighty God... through reading his word (the scriptures) and then praying to know if Jesus Christ is real and did the things that are expressed that He did. How I worshiped Him... By trying to live my life as much as I can as Jesus Christ lived His. Doing this I am a living testimony. Where I worship Him... Everywhere I go because living my life to emulate Him is a testimony to him.
Everyone should be able to worship how, where and what their conscious tells them. We are all on the path of figuring out our beliefs. We need to be loving and excepting of people. I am Ally and I am imperfect and I am enough! The time that I get in trouble is when I wonder to the edge of the path and get off into the weeds... When I do not keep trying to live how I believe then I am not happy and I don't get that inner peace... if I am not living what I believe then I am going against myself causing myself problems... I don't ever want to get too far off the path that the weeds are so high that I can't see the path anymore as I will lose my way and bring sorrow and pain. I have been lucky in the fact that I had others to help me find my way back. As you have learned from my blog that I have brought my secrets such as cutting to relieve pain out in the open. I am on a path of healing and thriving and learning to manage anxiety and ADHD. I am letting the secrets out of the dark so they do not have power over me anymore. I am gaining power over them. All of this is my journey of faith, acceptance of myself and others, and forgiving, repenting, and loving. It is my road of healing and Thriving! Music and laughter play a big part of my journey as it lifts me up and helps me to keep the anxiety and depression at bay! That Is why I love to laugh and help others laugh and heal as well. And I truly love T-Shirts and how they can help us laugh at the managing of our thoughts and feelings. I really love that a T=Shirtthat has made anxiety girl a super hero!!! How fun is that... I am a super hero!!! 2 T-Shirts that had me laughing today!!! I know the path that I am supposed to take in some areas of my life because of the people, conversations and events that have taken place that were direct answers to my prayers. (I love how we are the Lord's helpers! And so amazed to see the Lord's hands in my life.) Once I knew my path, I did what I always do... I go full speed ahead!!! In my attempt at full speed ahead, I overdid and then the anxiety came again. (Anxiety is very real!!! It is felt by many people! I am not alone with this and I am trying to take the power away from my anxiety. I am getting better at it!) In the past 2 days I had 3 people come to me and tell me that they are worried about me. My grand daughter Bailey said to me grandma remember you almost died and you need to be careful. Grandma you are fragile. (I didn't almost die, however, a little girl doesn't understand it. I had blood clots and had to stay down so they didn't travel to my lungs, heart or brain. And what little 5 year old girl uses the word fragile!!!) I then had my friend Vivienne say to me that I have been through so much hurt, pain, healing and that I am still very fragile. She reminded me that I needed to be careful and let myself finish healing. Today my mother said to me almost the exact thing that Vivienne had said. She also used the word fragile. All of them telling me that I still need healing time and to slow down and to let myself heal was a reminder to slow down! (I believe that the similarities of what was said to me, especially where they all 3 used the word fragile, was the Lord using these guardian angels in my life,) I need a little T-Shirt humor therapy!!! (Laughter is the best medicine!) Yesterday, Mom was bound and determined to make a sweet potato casserole for Jordan and to make stuffing. Unbeknowst to me she got up early yesterday morning and began this folly. Not only did she try to do this cooking but when the oxygen tubbing tugged at her face she took it off!!! She started cooking and forgot that she took off her oxygen!!!
I was in no shape to help her as I was having an anxiety day and had several panic attacks. We both can't have anxiety at the same time! Both of us at the same time spells disaster!!! When I found her in the kitchen barely able to move, mom said that she needed to do more cooking!!! What?!?!?! She couldn't even move anymore and wasn't exactly coherent!!! She was sure there would not be enough food!!! (Holy Hannah!!! She is 84 and on oxygen with heart issues!!!!) I put out a call for help to my daughter Danielle! Mom was almost hysterical. I got her to her room, however, in the state of anxiety that I was, in I didn't even notice that she didn't have her oxygen on!!! AND she had forgotten that she had taken it off! What a pair we were! Instead of Jack Bower coming to save the day!, (I usually sing that line when watching the show 24) It was Danielle that came to save the day!!!! She realized that mom was in big time trouble and got her on her oxygen. I don't even want to know how low her oxygen stats were!!! I was doing my breathing exercises, praying and keeping my hands busy so no cutting happened. Knowing that mom was now back on oxygen and almost coherent again, helped my anxiety come down. Danielle came to save the day!, by taking over all the rest of the cooking as well as making sure their was oxygen to be had!!! (Danielle, for your birthday I will have to get you a super hero cape!) Thanksgiving day arrived with mom still alive but having trouble because of the low level of oxygen yesterday. We had Thanksgiving dinner at my sisters house! (Thank you Jen!!1) It was a packed house with little kids running around, family and friends. (For a while Jordan and I thought that we were blocked in, away from the food!!! So Not Good!!!) The food was great, and it was awesome to be able to visit and laugh and have fun! (BTW Mario, it was great meeting you and welcome to the family!)(Stacey, this one I like! He is a keeper!) I am grateful for Family, Friends, and Fantastic Food!!!! (My attempt at an allegory!!! LOL!!! a feeble attempt!) P.S. BTW Kenzie and Kaylee, we all know that when you tell us how wonderful and beautiful we are that you are trying to get out of trouble or get us to go along with something!!!! Not Working Anymore!!!! I love you two!!! 3 grand daughters spent the night last night... It has been 9 weeks since my operation and I thought that my healing was almost complete! I think it is almost complete just not quite enough... I raised my left up to push the buttons on the washing machine and I felt it pull and hurt. I felt wet on me and looked down to see blooding running down! LOL My grand daughter said what is that red stuff leaking out of you... She is so funny!'
I put on my bandages again in the few places that aren't quite healed and then the pressure sleeve back on... Dr. Dee has told me I have to obey doctor's orders! I will have to hold my hairbrush microphone a little lower today... Right?!?!? With all 3 grand daughters in bed with me last night I woke up with my hair in every direction, my head only turns in one direction, and I feel every muscle in my body has gone into rigor mortis! LOL It is worth it! 3 of my grand daughters are here with me and we decided to rock out with our hairbrush microphones to the album of the movie Sing! We have the album going and I turn on the surround sound... Holy Hannah!!!! The bass was turned up so loud that the Earth moved!!!!! The little girls wanted it up louder while I am trying to figure out how to turn down the bass. I was afraid that the Earth might move so much it might take the house right off into the Gully!!! Danielle comes running down and informs me that great grandma thinks that the predicted Earthquake for the Valley has arrived!!! She has assured great grandma that it is not an Earthquake it is just the bass from the surround sound downstairs!!! The whole time this is happening I am trying to turn down the bass with the remote... Danielle, runs over to the receiver and figures it out on it! Hooray the surround sound system has been conquered! The house is safe once again!!! The Earthquake has been avoided!!!! The girls have now decided that the album isn't enough they need to watch the movie Sing!!! It is one of my favorites!!! T-Shirt Therapy |
I am Ally. I am the center of my universe and I can determine whether to be a victim, survivor or thriver. At one time or another I have been all of the above... I am choosing to thrive!
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