I have been a klutz for many years now. I trip over tree roots, cracks in the sidewalk, and many other things! Lately, I can't seem to get out of bed in the night to make those bathroom trips without falling out of bed! I have some really awesome bruises that people comment about when they see them. The reason for this is that when I am falling out of bed I hit the night stand almost every time! I have moved the night stand further away, and put a night light on it! Nothing has worked! So the other night I fell out of bed and hit the night stand. I righted myself and then I tripped over the blanket that I had taken down with me on the first fall. The huge bruise on my arm wasn't enough for me apparently!!! At the end of my bed I have a cute wooden bench that I discovered was much harder than I realized!!! Landing on the arm of the bench let me know just how hard hat wood was! I managed to somehow end up half on and half off the bench. It hurt quite a bit and my whole left side was swollen!!! I of course wore my compression garment just in case I caused myself a little more than a bruise. A few days later I accidentally saw my stomach in the bathroom mirror (I avoid mirrors when not wearing clothes! I am definitely middle aged and gravity works!!!) and was horrified!!! My whole left side was black and purple, swollen and the last of my staples had been pulled loose!!! Here is the awesome thing about this fall... It broke up a lot of scar tissue!!! I no longer have the pain from the scar tissue in that area! The Lord used my klutz ability for the better!!! I can wear my T-Shirt of the falling stick figure saying I menat to do that today for sure!!!!! :)
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I love T-shirt Therapy because no matter what seems to be going on in my life I can find great humor in T-Shirt sayings! This morning I was thinking that I should just carry a bag of T-Shirts and pull on the one that is my therapy for the moment! (the "one a day" slogan only works for doctors... I need several a day!!!) I was pondering the best way to do this... The first way I came up with was the bag of T-Shirts. Then there is the problem of changing the T-Shirts!!! I can't pretend to be Clark Kent and duck into a telephone box and transform into superman because cell phones have gotten rid of the need for telephone boxes.... I could just put them over the top of the T-shirt I was already wearing... Then I would look like the poor kid on the Christmas Story movie so that won't work! Maybe a T-Shirt with a Marquee that is pre-programmed with my favorites! I thought that would be the best.... I could start out the day "If you're happy and you know it it's your meds" then when I trip and fall and want to keep from crying as the bruises and swelling start, "a stick figure falling saying I meant to do that!" Lol Then if I am not managing my anxiety well, "Anxiety girl... If I feel like celebrating with a happy dance I could put on Elaine's famous dance from Seinfeld!!! The versatility of a marquee T-shirt could be endless!!! Then I sadly realized that the Marquee shirt probably couldn't be thrown into the washer and dryer... Sigh... I have not come up with the solution yet... Maybe I will wear my Dream a dream t-shirt tonight so I can dream a solution to my problem!!! :) My brother has been here for the past 3 weeks and what a lifesaver that has been!!! My anxiety was hitting all time highs with more than one panic attack in a day!!! If you have ever had panic attacks you know how disabling they can be! My was having a lot of health issues!!! To the point of the New Testament devotionals on Monday's are now no longer held every Monday at her house!!! If you know my mom you know that is a huge difference in her life! There were times in the past when mom could barely walk and we never stopped having the devotionals!!! Mom has admitted that it is so hard for her to go from being a self reliant independent woman to someone that has to rely on caregivers!!! While we were going through these medical set backs it was causing us both to have mega stress. My brother Kent arrived just in time to allow me to have a mini meltdown and let my daily panic meds that have been doubled kick in!!! Hallelujah!!! My brother is an awesome man!!! I see shades of my father in him! (if you know my dad you will understand just what a compliment that is coming from me!!!) Since my panic meds have been doubled I seriously need to start making these T Shirts for my T Shirt therapy!!! If you're happy and you know it it's your meds!!! As the meds are starting to get up to the right levels in my system I am making it back to my normal self!!! (And that is the reason I was able to serenade the telemarketer!!!) The phone was ringing and I decided that it just might be someone I actually wanted to talk to... Alas, it was just another telemarketer... I said hello and then all the background noise of a call center came through along with the caller's voice that had a distinct Asian accent. The telemarketer said hello back (all of a sudden I was transformed back to the Lionel Richie song) hello, is it me you're looking for!!! As you recall my wonderful doctor that went to emergency medicine and I tried to stalk to find out where he was practicing medicine to no avail is gone. I still think that the medical assistant and receptionist were not empathetic to my ordeal of losing the best doctor and trying to find a new! Anyway I had to find a new doctor that had knowledge of my health issues and this has not been an easy job! I finally found a doctor that I think can work out for me... My first time to go to this doctor was Thursday and of course everything did not go as planned!!! My GPS took me to the city offices not the doctors' office! I was trying to find a number to call so I could get the right address (Getting the correct address didn't help! GPS is not always reliable!!!) I called the doctor's number again and received instructions on how to get there and asked that the let the doctor know I am trying to get there!!! I of course by the time I got there was a half hour late!!! Thank goodness the doctor had that I was coming to see him because of anxiety so he took pitty on me and still saw me!! Of course going to see a doctor for anxiety causes anxiety! With Dr Lym I didn't have to tell him all the ways my anxiety manifests itself he already knows! With this new doctor I had to tell all the ways it manifest and I even have to add a new way! I recently discovered that my nerve endings feel like a voltage of electricity goes through me and can last up to an hour or so! I am on my last refill of my episode pills for panic attacks so I had to get into the doctor as my panic attacks have increased lately! When I was listing off all my symptoms there were times when I mumbled what they were because I am a grown up and supposed to have grown out of them!!! Lol (I think my logic is sound!!! We should be able to grow out of all illnesses!) When the doctor was asking me what I do to counter act these symptoms and I started listing off my tools he was impressed!!! Many years of therapy with the last therapist really understanding and helped so much!!! Jackie Rock Rocks!!! Lol With my comfort zone doctor gone and the stressful situations with family I am definitely needing to get into my favorite T Shirt therapy right now!!! I have started blogging a couple of times and didn't use save! I lost all that I had typed in by not using one of the tools available to me!!! I am definitely going to start using this tool! This also reminds me of many other tools that I have at my disposal that I do not always use! I have tools to manage anxiety, tools to help with cleaning, cooking, and figuring out what direction I should be going with my life... It isn't that hard to access these tools so what is holding me back?!?! I think the thing that is holding me back the most right now is lack of trust in myself and others, afraid of the outcome, being taken out of my comfort zone... I think it all basically goes to fear!!! Fear is soooo powerful and soooo destructive!!! I have said to my friends and family that eventually you are going to have to make the leap of faith because there are no guarantees that everything will go how we anticipate. I am needing to take some leaps of faith!!! If I am using the tools available to me the leap of faith will come easier!
T-Shirt therapy to live by!!! I had just finished writing my blog about oxygen tests and new doctors and it all disappeared!!! I am too frustrated!!! I give up for today!!!
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I am Ally. I am the center of my universe and I can determine whether to be a victim, survivor or thriver. At one time or another I have been all of the above... I am choosing to thrive!
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