Creativity and Intelligence research backs up everything that I have always believed by being a watcher and interpreter of people! (This discovery makes me feel very creative and intelligent!!! Lol) Research shows that creative an intelligent people deal with depression, anxiety and can be bipolar! They can think outside the box in other words: the ability to produce original and unusual ideas, or to make something new or imaginative. Intelligence is the ability to quickly learn and the ability to understand and learn well, and to form judgments and opinions based on reason.
Creativity and Intelligence is also a genetic thing (ALRIGHT!!! MY FAMILY HAS A LOT OF GENIUS PEOPLE!!!)... Creativity and Intelligence runs in my family and along with it comes the bouts of depression, anxiety, and other challenges!!! (check your family tree... Are you like me and have creative and extremely intelligent people in your family???) In my family we find anxiety, depression, eating disorders, bipolar, etc!!!) There are musicians, writers, brilliant without education, FLAIR :) and other types of creativity!!! Woo Hoo!!! Innovators of their day, people with Flair also have mental difficulties!!! Okay people that deal with bouts of depression and anxiety etc UNITE!!! WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD WITH OUR FLAIR!!!! WEAR YOUR MENTAL DIFFICULTIES WITH PRIDE!!! LOL Here is a little insert from the research! I have spent much of my career focusing on the neuroscience of mental illness, but in recent decades I’ve also focused on what we might call the science of genius, trying to discern what combination of elements tends to produce particularly creative brains. What, in short, is the essence of creativity? Over the course of my life, I’ve kept coming back to two more-specific questions: What differences in nature and nurture can explain why some people suffer from mental illness and some do not? And why are so many of the world’s most creative minds among the most afflicted? My latest study, for which I’ve been scanning the brains of some of today’s most illustrious scientists, mathematicians, artists, and writers, has come closer to answering this second question than any other research to date. www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/07/secrets-of-the-creative-brain/372299/
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Since I have started losing weight I have hardly any clothes that fit me. I am bound and determined to lose more weight so I don't want to buy all new clothes just to wear for a short time. I decided to go to the second hand store to pick up some clothes to wear. I was given a tip on which second hand store to go to as it had a better selection of clothing. I went to the recommended store instead of the usual one that I go to and found a few things that I liked.
I have always liked being a girl and wearing "girlie" clothes. Although, I think when I was younger I thought they were princess clothes. I found bright colors and some floral pieces, I couldn't find the shade of purple I was looking for in a blouse and decided to ask a clerk. I saw a clerk just a short distance away over by the bathrooms and started to approach just as her manager approached. The clerk explained to the manager that a young disabled boy had gotten confused in the bathroom on which was the toilet and which was the garbage. I decided I wouldn't bother them. While I am walking back over to the blouse area a very young mother was telling the person she was shopping with that her daughter needed to ride in the cart. She continues to tell her friend the reason that her daughter needed to ride in the cart is because when she was running away she told her mom that she was going to run out of the store and get kidnapped, the kidnapper was nicer that her mother! Lol (I think she was done shopping!) I don't know why they didn't put the little girl in the cart, however, they didn't. She was a cute little blond about 3 years old and a handful. A little while later that cute little girl was hiding under a rack of clothing and a store clerk asked her to come out and she would help her find her mommy. The little girl ran past me away from the clerk. She told the clerk that she didn't want her mother and she was going outside. Since I had overheard the mother's earlier conversation on the little girl wanting to get kidnapped, I said to her no don't go outside! She then turned to me and informed me she was not going back to her mom. I again tried to convince her to stay in the store. We had a little bit of a conversation going on at this point. I was making her very angry with me, however, she wasn't leaving the store. The little girl was finally fed up with me and yelled at me that she was too going outside and not going with her mom! LOL It was at this point that her mother finally figured out that her little girl wasn't with her anymore! Oh my gosh!!! I think I will stay away from shopping for awhile! (Oh by the way... Mom thought the clothes I bought were a little too bright but still a very good style for me!) Today I have my friend D'Anna helping me. She was there with me for most of the day. She makes sure that I do what the doctor told me to do so that I don't undo any of his work! She also brought her little stereo so that I could listen to KLove all day. When the grand daughters were starting to get a little grumpy with each other I explained to them why they could not fight are be grumpy. That was the whole reason for listen to KLove! It is an all Christian radio station and it keeps spirits up! She is a trooper that never gives up on me and makes sure I take my pain pills so that I can heal and Thrive!!! Actually, her whole family has been there for me. Thank you for sharing your husband and girls!!! There definitely needs to be some T-Shirt therapy... and a little bit of Lucy and Ethel... New roof is on... Thank goodness for insurance !!!!
The pea trap (I think that is what it is called) is replaced... No more leaks!!! When the Doctor took out my bad veins in my legs it numbed parts of them... Hallelujah it took away some of my pain!!! Blessings in disguised!!! It is amazing when the doctors put your spleen and liver back where they are supposed to be magic begins... I have started to finally have weight come off!!! All these blessing just keep coming... Family and friends rallying around me!!!! I can't wait to see what is coming next... As you probably know by now my cousin, mom and I had interconnected dreams all on the same night! My cousin, Cherie, felt that her dream was very comforting. My mom at the end of her dream felt she was in trouble, however, she still got a laugh out of it. My dream ended on my screaming NO... and I woke up before I could tell what was going to happen. And now I have had 2 grand kids put their arms around me and say something about what happened in my dream without knowing what happened in my dream! This is getting too far out into the twilight zone! I think it is time for maybe bringing out the tinfoil hats! Lol I think that Cherie, mom and I need to have that interconnected dream and this time finish it so I know what is going to happen!! I don't think I like surprises! Actually I know I don't like surprises! I have to have warning about upcoming events so I can work through my anxiety to a reasonable level before it happens. And this is why I spiral down the rabbit hole on all possibilities No surprises for me! I think it is time for T-Shirt therapy! I thought these T-Shirts were hilarious! Of course it is 2 am here! (Sheldon my Flair came out a little early tonight! A whole half hour early! lol Today I thought I was getting my hair cut and finishing up my Christmas shopping... I received a telephone call from Sherry, my hair dresser, to let me know she had run into some trouble and needed to reschedule. It looks like it is just finish up the Christmas shopping!
It has been about a year and a half since I have gone into my favorite store, At Home. I, like most women, love to decorate my home. I want my home to be a place of love, acceptance and a place to heal from the wear and tear of life. A place to say I am sorry, and be forgiven and feel "at home". LOL!!!! I was in the process of changing the decor in my home when my husband left me. A few months after he left me I went into At Home again trying to just get away from everyone and all the sadness. WRONG CHOICE OF STORES!!!! If I had been thinking clearly I would have never gone to that store! HOLY HANNAH! (A word of advice to all when your home is breaking up going to a "HOME" store of any kind is truly insane!!!) That venture into At Home took me from sad and trying to heal and thrive to the setback of the century!!! Instead of leaving the store when I felt the overwhelming sadness hit me like someone who has a working brain, I thought that if I went to areas of the store I don't usually shop in I would be okay!!! (I am sure that you all know what happened next.... yep! I burst into tears left my cart and tried to find my way out of the store through all the tears!!!) Today was my first day in that store since then. I was able to find a million things within 3 isles!!! I truly love that store!!! I was doing okay as well! No tears and I talked to all the ladies around me. There don't seem to be many men there. LOL Success!!! it is my favorite store again!!! So while I was shopping, I saw this sign and thought how funny it was and it was on sale 75% off! (I cannot pass it up when it is on that good of a sale!) I was going to put it up on the wall in my room so I could get a good laugh out of it. My vision isn't good when my pseudotumor cerebri is out of remission, everything is blurred and the letters can float. Of course it is out of remission because it goes out of remission when I am stressed out! I thought what it said on the sign was Pray, Trust, (wasn't sure of the 3rd word) and then in bold letters all across the bottom REPENT! I thought is was funny to have repent in bold letters on the wall and got quite a laugh out of it. When I brought it home my mom (and she has glaucoma) thought the sign said Pray, Trust, rejoice and REPEAL!!! LOL What it actually said was Pray, Trust, Rejoice, Repeat.... Hahahahaha. My sister, Jen, mom and I decided we should put a line through repeat and put repent and then repeal!!! Living in the world of the semi blind that think they can see! P.S. I am back to decorating in a totally feminine fashion like I did after my first divorce! I don't want any man to feel like he would want to stay for any length of time! No more husbands! When I was in At Home I saw a purple couch!!! I also saw a whole set of pretty pink living room furniture! LOL I think I need to go back and get them!!!!! Not really! Green is my favorite color... and pink, purple and any other feminine color for my accents!!! (I am very thankful for all the men that have been so solicitous and understanding with me lately! They really have been so helpful and even making color choices for my roof when the decision put me over the top on decision making and stress! I guess I am saying that men are good and decent until they marry me... Hmmmm... I think it is because I keep marrying diamonds in the rough and unfortunately they don't want to get rid of the rough and of course I am a diamond in the rough as well. I am trying to get the rough off!) I had fantastic news today that I never expected! Having a storm with hurricane winds was an answer to pray! The last few storms we had hurricane winds and they caused damage to my house. I was thinking about how much it was going to cost to fix the damage. One of the men that have been so helpful to me lately said to me turn it into your insurance and see what they will cover! Holy Hannah what a wonderful idea! Insurance is covering way more than I ever dream... time to Celebrate!
I haven't had any more panics over the big decisions in my life! I am staying with the original decision with a couple of new dance moves added in. Now the 3 dreams all in one night that were eerily similar still has me spinning! All 3 dreams in one night! That has to mean something.... (Cherie, mom and I have never had this happen to us before!) I am not sure if I like any of the interpretations I have come up with for the dreams. I have kept a journal for years (it helps with anxiety) and in doing this I have a pretty good timeline of my life and things that happened in my life! I record impressions, dreams, thoughts, what happened during the day and as I looked back through my journal and think about the dreams there is a pattern emerging. (Keeping a journal can also be a record of some of the things I don't want to remember!!!) A journal makes sure there are no secrets to have power over me. Right now I am not liking my journal because a lot of things are adding up that are not nice! Sometimes I want to hold onto my mad and not forgive for a while!!! LOL BUT EVERYONE HAS TO FORGIVE ME IMMEDIATELY!!!!! (I don't have a double standard at all!!!) Now the bad news... I took mom with me to run some errands and they took a little longer than we thought... Well actually a lot longer than we thought... I knew we needed to start being faster because we had the little tank of oxygen with us! (I wasn't using the boy scout motto of Be Prepared! Ally... Ally... Ally... sigh...) I looked at mom's tank of oxygen just in time to see it go to empty!!! I had a wee bit of a panic attack about getting mom to the oxygen as fast as possible! I wasn't practicing good driving skills at the time of the panic attack coming on!!!! (I should have gotten the Tesla that could drive itself!!! See Steve, that extra money could totally be worth the self driving car! Especially for when panic attacks start hitting!!!) :) Unfortunately all the safety features on my car do not include self driving! It did keep me safe even with my lovely driving! I have been making and changing major decisions in my life as I previously mentioned and turning it into a twist and a dance! So today I had a telephone call and was asked which color I liked the look of best and which trim colors I wanted the trim colors to be!!!! Too many decisions is what my brain decided!!! Colors put me right over the top!!!! I started to feel like my throat was closing and that I couldn't breath... I couldn't think clearly!!! Then I said that I couldn't make any more decisions, I am starting to panic, please make the decisions for me!!!
I need to have just a few days of no decisions!!! Unfortunately that will never happen... I need to decide what to wear... what to eat... or just not eat... what groceries to buy... HELP EVERYTHING IS A DECISION!!! The only decisions I don't have to make is what to say because I don't have any filters!!!! LOL ,In my last blog I wrote how I had nightmares because of the streetlight and so you probably know that I have not been handling my anxiety the best recently. On Sunday the topic was on Depression and Anxiety, perfect timing for when I am having trouble keeping mine under control. It was reaffirmed that Depression and Anxiety do not have a magic pill that makes it all go away it is something that you learn how to manage. I also have ADHD along with my anxiety so I am lacking filters. I have been trying to manage my ADHD and anxiety without using all of my meds because I was on pain pills because of my surgery. Pain pills should not be taken with the meds that work for ADHD. They also should not be taken with the meds for my panic attacks either. I am going to my Voodoo doctor (science researcher) and she has been helping me get through it all. I also have amazing men in my life right now that understand my anxiety. I text message and email at all hours! Thanks guys for being so great! I am truly blessed with amazing people in my life! I have made 3 major, major, major decisions, then freaked out and undid the decisions and then made different decisions in my nightmares! Then of coursed I freaked out again! Lol I am now back to the first decision with a twist! I have always loved to dance so maybe that is why my making of decisions seems to be a dance as well!!! Just as long as the dancing doesn't turn into Elaine's from Seinfeld's dance! LOL Last night I had a lot on my mind. I have so many decisions to make that are huge! I have no problems making them even larger than they are in the night when a pro like me at anxiety can spiral out of control! I can very quickly get to the .001% in no time flat! Feeling safe is very important to me because life experience and anxiety work very well with my feeling of not being safe. (At church today the topic was of Depression and Anxiety and how it isn't something that you get over it is something that you manage. Sometimes managed better that other times!)
As I was trying to make decisions I did eventually go to sleep with the feeling of unease. I believe I have mentioned that I move around a little bit in my sleep. As I was rolling around in my sleep and dreaming, I am not quite sure what about, every time I lay on my left side the curtains that were partly open let the street light in! I thought it was an intruder! Lol I would wake up enough to try and scream and would freeze and could barely even get a squeak out! I didn't wake up enough to be coherent enough to realize it was a street light!!! In the morning when I actually woke up at 7am and realized that to get rid of my nightmares all I had to do was shut the curtains!!! A few hours of nightmares because of a 3 second inaction!!! LOL I made sure that the curtains were all the way shut before I went to bed tonight! I won't make that mistake again! To bad I can't turn off my anxiety! I am hoping that tomorrow when businesses are open I will be able to get enough answers to my questions that I can start feeling okay about some of these decisions!!!!! (T-Shirt therapy laugh... How will you know if it is the right decision if you never make it... Be like me and just make the decisions only in nightmares! :LOL) |
I am Ally. I am the center of my universe and I can determine whether to be a victim, survivor or thriver. At one time or another I have been all of the above... I am choosing to thrive!
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