Today 5 of my grand daughters came over and put youtube Just Dance on and started dancing away!!! I swear those girls have unlimited energy!!! They were pretty good at those dances! That could not have been the first time those girls did those moves! I had a panic attack last night along with a cold so Nyquil won out for me!!! NO dancing, Just watching for me!!! It was Lexi's turn for the sleep over last night and I was a big party pooper!! Lexi wanted us to stay up way way late! She complained that I only stayed awake until 2 am. If I stayed awake that long I have no recollection of it!!! Lol Nyquil takes me down for the count! I hope she had fun because I don't really even remember the night.
Tonight is Hailee's turn to spend the night, I am feeling just a little better, however, the sinus headache is still killing me!!! I hope Hailee has a good time regardless of my not feeling well!!! I don't think poor Lexi had that good of a time! I can tell tonight is definitely another Nyquil night again tonight!!! I have gone months without getting sick! It is truly amazing how stress and worry can cause such havoc with our bodies!!! Unfortunately, for me it has caused everything to go out of remission! Prayer has always worked with helping get everything back into remission so I know there isn't going to be a problem for prayer to be a miracle worker again! I can't believe how fast my surgery is coming up!!! 5 days away!!! I know everything will go as plan! I really am excited about getting more tumors out! More excited than nervous!!! Talk to you soon!!!
0 Comments
I am apologizing for my lack of editing! I just read a couple of my posts and realized that the lack of editing makes it hard to read. I will try to remember to edit before posting!!!
I have been having problems with insurance companies since last year in June! They have change my ID number twice without telling me! They presented me with a bill that was well over a 100,000 and I had to fight them on that! They won't pay for my surgeries because they supposedly don't recognize the disease I have yet... In Europe it has been recognized for over 50 years! I was on a medical panel for women health issues with doctors, medical researchers and they agreed that America is decades behind other countries with women's medical issues! I am going to say something right now that will I am sure get me a lot of heat from some people but here I go... I would like our country to have a well run socialized medicine! One like Norway, Denmark, Australia... They are doing it right and people are a lot happier than we are. I rarely ever watch the news because of the stress it causes me!
Insurance companies cause me stress more so then any other thing in my life right now! That and my up coming surgery as it is different from any other surgery I have had! I spent time on the phone with them today! I need some T-Shirt Therapy!!!! I have been doing my deep breathing and my body awareness, my music, and now my blog! I am using a lot of my tools today for dealing with anxiety! Managing my anxiety today is harder today! Anyone would have anxiety when dealing with insurance companies! They use to cause my mother in law a lot of stress as well. I am using deep breathing, music and blogging at the same time. It is okay for me to have anxiety because anyone would have anxiety in this situation. I am imperfect and I am enough!!! Today is an okay day for using an episode pill!!! Have any of you seen the anxiety commercial. How her anxiety manifest itself is similar to how I do but not exactly the same. I think they don't want to have some of the more extreme behaviors on a commercial! Don't want to be putting ideas of other inappropriate ways of dealing with anxiety. If you like me have more extreme ways of manifesting your anxiety that is okay! We can learn behaviors that can take the place of those not so right behaviors. You are imperfect and you are enough!!! My anxiety manifests itself this way: My throat swells and I can eat or drink or I could get it caught in my throat or I throw up, or both, and I feel like I can't breath and sometimes grab at my throat to try and open the airway up. Another way my anxiety expresses itself is breaking out in hives and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin and want out of my skin. I hyperventilate at times. I want to run from my anxiety and I run... There is no way to truly run from anxiety. It can cause cravings for certain types of foods or not wanting any food at all. I am sure there are other ways my body expresses anxiety, however, these are my most common ways of manifesting my anxiety. Sometimes I have some of those body reactions and sometimes I have all of them. I am actually calming down as I blog and do deep breathing and music right now. Acknowledging my anxiety and knowing I have tools to deal with it helps me deal with it! My grand daughter Hailee was in her first school play. It was how to survive a zombie apocalypse. It was hilarious!!! My grand daughter made an awesome zombie!!! They showed how to keep the weak and elderly around so while the zombies are kept busy with the weak and elderly you can get away! There were some young men that tried to find there love match the young women would rather not and found very funny ways of turn the young men down. Just in case there is another man alive she wanted to keep her options open. A fun play! Hailee received flowers from her Uncle Bryan and Aunt Megan for her debut!!! Awesome job Hailee!!!
I saw a T-shirt today that said: Laughing My Problems Away One Glass Of Wine at a Time! That doesn't quite fit me, It would be better if it ended with one silly mess up at a time! It is amazing how everyday life is hilariously funny! I have to tell you that at 3 am this morning or there abouts I decided that I needed a diet coke desperately!!! (diet coke is my addiction. I almost walked into the chapel with a diet coke in my hand!!! No LIE!!! Truly addicted!!!) Mom hasn't been sleeping very well so I decided not to turn on the lights!!! (Those of you that know me know I cannot find my way in broad daylight with a GPS so now just imagine me in total darkness!!!) I apparently list to the left!!! I first walked into the left wall of the hall!! I over corrected and then I walked into the railing to the stairs! Of course I am saying owie or another word each time I run into things!!! (That is definitely going to help mom stay asleep!!! NOT!!!) It was a good thing she was having a good night of sleep because I never turned on the lights and kept walking into walls, counters, doorways... When I got back to my room and had the first swallow of diet coke and my brain began to function I couldn't stop laughing at myself!! Next time I will just turn on the lights!!!
Prayer is a powerful thing! God provides for us in different ways then I always think he should! Lol He knows better than we do! My next procedure is in less than 2 weeks, and mom's will be coming up soon and my worries have been taken care of in God's way!!! I have told my kids that once the tumors are gone I am a skinny woman! Haha
Last night I had a dream that Mom's house was just plum full of people and for some reason my mom was sleeping in the same bed with me... Mom was really anger with me in the morning because I don't hold still when I am sleeping!!! She couldn't get the sleep she needed. I told her I couldn't help it when I am sleeping I don't know I am moving!!! I don't remember everything in my dream . The part I do remember is that I broke out in hives and and was scratching everywhere and mom was yelling at me to stop... When I woke up I had broken out in hives and was scratching all over and I could swear I could hear my mom telling me to stop!!! (Now I just need to know if the hives were from an allergy of anxiety!) If i didn't already have anxiety I do now! My doctor that I have been going to for 15 years isn't going to be doing private practice anymore!!! I text messaged my friend that has gone to the doctor longer than I have and asked her what we are going to do!!! This is the doctor that when he knew I was going through a rough time called me at 9pm to make sure I was okay!!! He is the last doctor that I knew of that did this!!! Trauma Trauma Trauma!!! Dr. Lym can't leave me!!! It pays to have a fantastic podiatrist in the family!!! (Steve, we would love you even if you weren't a podiatrist!!) He made sure mom knew about a treatment that can help her with her legs and feet!!! Of course just as my surgeries are not covered by insurance neither is the treatment for mom. (Sometimes I believe that Insurance companies were put here to cause us stress! LOL ) So I need everyone to pray that the money that is supposed to come to me comes very soon so I can pay for mom's treatment!!!
Knowing that there is a treatment out there that mom can do is wonderful and has lifted my spirits!!! (I love God and his tender mercies!!!) In less than 2 weeks I am going to have my next surgery to remove some of my tumors!!! This time I am having the least aggressive surgery for the tumors. When I heard how knowledgeable he was of the disease that I have I was so excited!!! I might have to wear compression bandages on and off for the rest of my life to deal with it for the rest of my life and I do not care!!! I am so excited to get all the painful tumors out I could do a happy dance like I use to do with my students! And sing a rousing chorus of Hallelujah!!! Yesterday I was able to go and see my darling grand daughter, Riatta, be baptized!!! All of my grandchildren were there!!! All eleven of them!!! That is twice now that I have been to a family gathering that all of my grandchildren were there!!! My grandchildren can be a handful!!! Lol Keeping them out of the elevator and in areas that were safe and close by was quite the trick for their parents!!! That's why I love being a grandma... When the kids are a little to rambunctious to handle they can be turned over to the parents, making grandma the nice one!!! LOL I love those grandbabies!!! (I haven't been able to go and spend the night with some of my grandchildren and I miss being able to spend time with them and love on them with hugs and kisses!!! Maybe I can soon!!! Yesterday I was able to talk to my daughter in law, Dawn, and we had a wonderful conversation!!! I am so proud of her and love her!!! I loved her the very first day I met her and I saw how she was with my son!!! Actually, I am lucky and love all my kids and in laws!!! All of my kids love their spouses very much and have pretty good relationships!!! And Bryan you know you are my favorite son in law!!! (Don't worry! I am not choosing favorites! He is my only son in law!!! :) Haha) |
I am Ally. I am the center of my universe and I can determine whether to be a victim, survivor or thriver. At one time or another I have been all of the above... I am choosing to thrive!
Categories |