The other day when I wrote about how I keep from cutting myself I didn't put in all the stressors that were affecting me. I didn't want to put anymore stress on my daughter. My daughter is a single mom of 5 and she is living in my home. She no longer had a full time job. There were a few direct affects to me as she wasn't able to pay utilities etc., however, mostly it was indirectly affecting me. I learning to stop taking other peoples problems on as my own.
I know that all parents take on their kids trials as there own to some degree. It is hard to cut the apron strings. I have so much anxiety sometimes and can't deal with my own feelings and get myself into a bad place. When I am in a bad place and can't deal with my feelings, I take on other people's problems and make them my own. I made my daughter's problems my own that night. I was on the internet for a while looking up jobs for her to apply for and adding on more stress when I was already to the overload point! (I am my own worse enemy :) I think we all are to some degree. This is where writing in my journal and/or blog helps me to realize when I am taking on other peoples problems. When I am writing about my problems I ask myself what I can do to help resolve or get the problem in a more manageable place. I have to be careful when I am doing this as I can escalate myself really quickly if I feel out of control. The first question I have to ask myself is if this is my problem or someone elses. The next question is are there any direct affects to me. If the problems aren't mine and do not directly affect me than I have to visualize giving the problem back to them. I have put the problem into a balloon and let it float away into the sky. I had a friend tell me that they put their problems into a box and tape it shut and threw it away. I have prayed and given the problem to Jesus. Find a way that works for you. Just because I have let go of the problem does not mean in any form that I don't have empathy for my daughter. There was nothing wrong with my looking for jobs for her either. I can be there for my daughter as a sounding board, as emotionally support, or even helping her find a job. I actually do that very well when I don't let the panic take over. I am a typical person with anxiety and I envision every possibility that can happen out to the very rare and probably has never happened. I take it out to the odds of the thought of what could possibly happen to the 0.0000001%!!!!! I have it down to an art form!!! lol When I get into one of those spirals of destruction if I can I have to ask myself if I even know anyone that had that overwhelming outcome. This is of course where the mindfulness comes in; I have to be aware of my feelings to stop it before it gets out of control and I am looking at a cut on my arm or leg or wherever else. If you haven't found out about mindfulness and you have anxiety you really should learn how to do it.
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I am Ally. I am the center of my universe and I can determine whether to be a victim, survivor or thriver. At one time or another I have been all of the above... I am choosing to thrive!
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