I have always had a very good sense of humor and can take the hardships of life and make all sound absolutely hilarious. It is a talent that runs in my family. Because of my good sense of humor I did not believe that I suffered from depression, in fact I thought I was a very upbeat person. I was wrong. I had an awakening that a good sense of humor does not mean happy and upbeat. As I was discovering this about myself there were some very real examples happening in the news, such as Robin Williams killing himself. (I should have had a clue a lot sooner, My journal entitled another dark day in this dark year in this dark life didn't sound at all depressing!!! I will have to say I was a little slow on the uptake!!!)
I didn't have a problem identifying my anxiety, panic attacks are pretty hard to hide! Most people don't go running from there home and jump into the their car to get away from something... whatever that something was. My first husband I am sure thought he was helping as he ran after me saying if you would just calm down. He probably would have been okay if he hadn't gone out in front of the car telling me to just calm down. LOL A tip for those that live with people that suffer from panic attacks; It is never wise to stand in front of a car with a person in an panic attack behind the wheel!!! :) Fortunately my ex could move a little faster back then. Because of his quickness I am sure I escaped a manslaughter charge!!! I did notice that he had a little bit of a limp after having to move so fast. I hit the gas pedal in my panic to get away. (I don't think I ever figured out what all I was trying to get away from) I and thankful that if the Lord was going to allow me to learn from panic attacks and depression that he made sure that I did have a family that knew how to laugh and have a good time. It helped balance me out.
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I am Ally. I am the center of my universe and I can determine whether to be a victim, survivor or thriver. At one time or another I have been all of the above... I am choosing to thrive!
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